Dear 17 Year Old Kim,
Right now you are coming to the end of your senior year in high school. You believe that everything you have planned will work out, and that everything will be exactly the way you envision it. I have some news for you, you couldn't be more wrong.
Sitting in front of you is a stack of acceptance letters you are receiving from the colleges you applied to. The most exciting time in your life is coming. You received an acceptance to Niagara University, and a hefty scholarship to go with it. I am telling you right now, this is your best chance at being debt free. Do not be afraid to leave home. Do not stay around for a boyfriend that will put a plastic cubic zirconia ring on your finger and break your heart. GO SEE THE WORLD. Your life is about way more than settling down to be someone's wife and pop out some kids. You aren't ready to be anyone's wife. You need to be Kim first.
Bringing me to my next topic. When you are 19, you are going to meet a man that will change your life. This is the man you are going to marry. He is going to give you all of the feelings you have tried to find with the ones before him, but he is the one who awakens your soul. The one that everyone will tell you that you don't have. He is kind, sweet, gentle, giving and most importantly he treats you with respect. You have never loved a man before him, I promise. He will make mistakes, he will hurt you sometimes, he will make you cry, but he will never break you down. He will build you up, rather. Learn to forgive, because it will make everything much better. Before you meet him, you will think you have found "the one", about seven times. But I promise you this, beer goggles can make tin foil look like shining armor. Don't fall for it.
Some pretty bad shit is going to happen to you kid. But guess what, such is life. It will thicken your skin and prepare you for all of the things to come. Take every experience as a lesson. You have a lot of potential to be something great so don't let mistakes and "life lessons" weigh you down. Don't sweat the small stuff because in the end, it's only a speck in the many events that will make you. Never make excuses, always work hard because you don't DESERVE anything. Do not follow the crowd and develop a sense of entitlement. I can say from your future perspective, you do not. You have a tendency to work too hard on things that aren't part of the big picture. Make sure you pick where to focus and what it will get you in the long run.
Things won't always work out the way you expect, but breathe and remember, they are working out the way they are supposed to instead. Give in to your spontaneity and impulses. You are only this age once. Because someday, life happens and you won't have as much time to do the things you love as you expected. You want to eat a roll of cookie dough? DO IT UP GURL. But one more thing, your metabolism is your best friend right now. You are in great shape, so appreciate it. In a few years metabolism takes a vacation and you need to put a little more work into fitting those denim jeans. That brings me to this point. The media is going to wear you down. Your self esteem isn't going to build itself. The pictures you see, they are not a real representation of a woman. So stop trying to be a size 4. You love cheese fries (and soon beer), so indulge! Everything is okay in moderation, just try to develop some healthy eating habits too. It's not about how you look. Looks will not last you your whole life. They will transform and eventually you will look like Grandma. (Try to remember people's names though). What will ALWAYS last you is your education. No one can take knowledge away from you. Read as much as you can get your hands on. A kind and giving heart will also last you. The man you will meet will bring that quality out in you. He will show you how selfish and stubborn you are. He will unintentionally change that about you. He will change you for the better.
Your life is going to be an adventure. Do not be afraid of the unknown. Take the first step and let the path reveal itself. See you on the way.
-21 year old Kim
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Sunday, January 5, 2014
An Engaged 21 Year Old's Response to: “23 things to do instead of getting engaged before you’re 23″
Before I really dive into this, I need to explain something. I am not an average 21 year old. In fact, I am freshly 21 and a 'lightly salted' military "spouse" for all intents and purposes. I got engaged in July of 2013. My fiance awkwardly sat on his knee for five minutes during fireworks and out popped a ring. July 4, 2013 was a huge day in my 20 year old life. Exactly three months later I watched my fiance walk to a bus to be shipped off on a deployment. It was from that moment on, I knew I'd be spending the next twelve months being something I hadn't, and finding a strength that was hanging somewhere over Lake Michigan. Anyways.
Being someone's fiance is a large part of my daily life. Lately, it has really been the only thing I have focused on, why? Because he needs me. But I am something, someone else. I joined the fire department in May of 2011 after a friend of mine was killed in a car accident. I began college in August of 2010 and can happily say I will walk the stage and accept my $70,000 blanket, I mean bachelors in May of this year. I have interned in more places than I have had actual paying jobs. Right now, my large responsibilities are making sure the bills get paid, my apartment is clean, my car functions and that I get out of bed at a decent hour. That last one is a struggle because honestly, a good night of sleep is hard to come by.
But on-wards we go.
On one of those nights where sleep was hard to come by, I came across an article titled "23 things to do instead of getting engaged before you’re 23". I walked in with an open mind and out with a flaring temper. I was extremely offended by what I had just read. Not because I am one of the "cop out" marriages, but because she makes ALL of them seem to be. A few days later, I also read a response to the original and although I think some of the points are good. I do not entirely agree with that one either. It comes across equally as judgmental and I won't even get into the slut shaming. So I was inspired to write one addressing BOTH. But to fully understand please read each one:
1)http://wanderonwards.com/2013/12/30/23-things-to-do-instead-of-getting-engaged-before-youre-23/
2)http://youngcons.com/must-read-young-woman-gives-amazing-response-to-the-23-things-to-do-instead-of-getting-engaged-before-youre-23/
Prior to meeting my fiance, my life was filled with highs and lows. I dealt with death, broken hearts, self esteem problems, relationship abuse, and just plain worldly problems. And I continue to deal with them. The world didn't stop turning the day he put the ring on my finger. I continued to go to school, and even had the wonderful fortune to deal with a cracked tooth and infection well before he left to long after he was gone. But that's for another day. My point is, engaged, married, single. DON'T. STOP. LIVING. Being with someone that grows as you grow is incredible. I am marrying someone who finds my individuality to be just as important as our 'one' as a couple. My problem with both posts is that they are knocking both sides and making it all seem so black and white.
Marriage is a huge step that should not be taken lightly and no it is not for everyone. I see more and more on Facebook people getting engaged and married at a younger age. So what? Why is that my business or my problem? Here is what I should be focused on. Why am I getting married? We didn't take marriage lightly either. Our date was set out almost exactly two years from when we got engaged. We entered couples counseling before he left and bust our asses to build a strong relationship. And still somehow during all of this I find time to get my GPA up, manage a college trial team, keep a semi-clean house, send out 6 dozen cookies and decorated care packages, get to Dave and Busters for happy hour with my girlfriends, dance around my living room like I am in a Luke Bryan music video and just live. I look at this list of 23 things, and wonder, why exactly does one have to be single to do all of these, and why exactly would someone want to do all of these? So here we go.
Being someone's fiance is a large part of my daily life. Lately, it has really been the only thing I have focused on, why? Because he needs me. But I am something, someone else. I joined the fire department in May of 2011 after a friend of mine was killed in a car accident. I began college in August of 2010 and can happily say I will walk the stage and accept my $70,000 blanket, I mean bachelors in May of this year. I have interned in more places than I have had actual paying jobs. Right now, my large responsibilities are making sure the bills get paid, my apartment is clean, my car functions and that I get out of bed at a decent hour. That last one is a struggle because honestly, a good night of sleep is hard to come by.
But on-wards we go.
On one of those nights where sleep was hard to come by, I came across an article titled "23 things to do instead of getting engaged before you’re 23". I walked in with an open mind and out with a flaring temper. I was extremely offended by what I had just read. Not because I am one of the "cop out" marriages, but because she makes ALL of them seem to be. A few days later, I also read a response to the original and although I think some of the points are good. I do not entirely agree with that one either. It comes across equally as judgmental and I won't even get into the slut shaming. So I was inspired to write one addressing BOTH. But to fully understand please read each one:
1)http://wanderonwards.com/2013/12/30/23-things-to-do-instead-of-getting-engaged-before-youre-23/
2)http://youngcons.com/must-read-young-woman-gives-amazing-response-to-the-23-things-to-do-instead-of-getting-engaged-before-youre-23/
Prior to meeting my fiance, my life was filled with highs and lows. I dealt with death, broken hearts, self esteem problems, relationship abuse, and just plain worldly problems. And I continue to deal with them. The world didn't stop turning the day he put the ring on my finger. I continued to go to school, and even had the wonderful fortune to deal with a cracked tooth and infection well before he left to long after he was gone. But that's for another day. My point is, engaged, married, single. DON'T. STOP. LIVING. Being with someone that grows as you grow is incredible. I am marrying someone who finds my individuality to be just as important as our 'one' as a couple. My problem with both posts is that they are knocking both sides and making it all seem so black and white.
Marriage is a huge step that should not be taken lightly and no it is not for everyone. I see more and more on Facebook people getting engaged and married at a younger age. So what? Why is that my business or my problem? Here is what I should be focused on. Why am I getting married? We didn't take marriage lightly either. Our date was set out almost exactly two years from when we got engaged. We entered couples counseling before he left and bust our asses to build a strong relationship. And still somehow during all of this I find time to get my GPA up, manage a college trial team, keep a semi-clean house, send out 6 dozen cookies and decorated care packages, get to Dave and Busters for happy hour with my girlfriends, dance around my living room like I am in a Luke Bryan music video and just live. I look at this list of 23 things, and wonder, why exactly does one have to be single to do all of these, and why exactly would someone want to do all of these? So here we go.
1. Get a passport.- Actually, I got my passport last February when my Fiance and I booked a trip to Jamaica
2. Find your “thing.”- At first I thought this was really dirty, and then I got the concept. I have a thing. I have lots of things, and these things keep changing. I recently discovered my love for "New Girl" and baking. Last year my thing was going to the gym, until I got injured. We are constantly changing, and as long as your thing makes you happy, that is all that matters.
3. Make out with a stranger.- The summer of 2011 was a dark one for me. Jager and Tequila make a girl do some crazy things. This was all before the lovely age of 20.
4. Adopt a pet.- I can barely keep myself alive let alone another breathing life. I think I will hold off on this one for a while
5. Start a band.- I had a "girl group" when I was 10. Needless to say we never made it to the grammys.
6. Make a cake. Make a second cake. Have your cake and eat it too.- I made six dozen cookies last month. And I have a tendency to eat them in the middle of the night. I can wait on the cake til my SO is back home to eat it.
7. Get a tattoo. It’s more permanent than a marriage.- I like that my mother talks to me. Enough said.
8. Explore a new religion.- I have recently began cultivating my beliefs in a more mature way than 15 year old me. And It is something that my SO has been very encouraging about
9. Start a small business.- Cookies anyone?
10.Cut your hair.- I did. Last year. Now I pray to the biotin gods.
11. Date two people at once and see how long it takes to blow up in your face.-No.
12. Build something with your hands.- The thing about having a deployed soldier is learning how to use power tools.
13. Accomplish a Pinterest project.- Again. Care packages.
14. Join the Peace Corps.- I joined the Fire Department.
15. Disappoint your parents.- Been doin' that since '92
16. Watch GIRLS, over and over again.- I finished New Girl season 1 in two days.
17. Eat a jar of Nutella in one sitting.- I eat entire packs of Oreos.
18. Make strangers feel uncomfortable in public places.- If you knew my friends. I'm looking at you Raymond.
19. Sign up for CrossFit.- I am. Brides get it for free when two people sign up ;)
20. Hangout naked in front of a window.- Sometimes I forget to close my blinds
21. Write your feelings down in a blog.- And here we are
22. Be selfish.- Being in a relationship has taught me how incredibly selfish I am and do not want to be
23. Come with me to the Philippines for Chinese New Year.- I'd rather go to Kuwait. But for now I will settle for Cape Cod in the Fall.
Everyone should create a bucket list. And everyone should LIVE. But do not judge others for choosing to live in a way that makes them feel fulfilled and happy. Happiness and success is defined differently by each person. What is my success? Getting a law degree, raising children who want to change the world, and sitting next to the same man in 60 years that I will be marrying June 13, 2015, watching him build legos. So will I be 22 and engaged/married? Yes. But I am so much more than that. This world is so much more than that. And my hope is that you all find what makes YOU happy, and you find someone who helps you be that, together.
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